L33T - And Other Words Of All Kinds

Archive for August, 2002

  August 31, 2002

Undisputed my ass - L33T

I really need to stop letting my roomies pick what movies we go see. Last night we were on our way to the row, looking for a party, when they say, "Hey, let's go see Undisputed." Now, for those of you unfamiliar with this gem of artistic monkey-banana-riddled-spunk, let me explain. The movie's basic premise is that a world heavy weight boxing champion is incarcerated and is made to fight the resident-boxing guy. Basically it's a Rocky flick set in prison. *Stupid-as-hell alert* Now, I heard this alarm go off in my head saying, "That's five dollars and twenty-five cents you're going to seriously regret spending." But I went along with the group and sat in a piss-smelling theater, watching a shit-box movie, with half the engineering students behind me, laughing at EVERY damn line. I mean, I can maybe recall there being ONE joke in that movie. Damn engineers. And the worst part is, once we got out of that and went to the row.. there was no party. We'd missed the boat to whatever parties were going on. *sharpens castration knife*

  August 30, 2002

This Just Screams "Buy me" - L33T

Alright, L33ters.. Here's what I want for Christmas. Go now...

  August 26, 2002

Pay No Mind To The Distant Thunder - L33T

Canada, you're losing even more cool points... The only thing you've got left going for you is Molson's. And believe me, we can do without Molson's. Hell, when we take you over, it'll be Molson's American beer. Seriously, Canadians try and participate in the American leagues anyway. Shouldn't there be some sort of land-ownership exchange going on between the U.S. and Canada for the right to play in our hardcore pro leagues? I think so. So take your mounties and suck on them while you still can, asshats. Someday America will see the light and come to get ya.

  August 26, 2002

Are you bored? - L33T

Here's something to brighten your day:

One question: What the hell?

  August 26, 2002

Giddy up - L33T

Today was the first day of classes. I have one more to go (Latin) and I already know that I'm gonna seriously dig this college-thing. The couple profs. I know so far are two of the most hardcore, least asshat-ish teachers I've ever had. Good times. If I ever get around to it, I'll take some pictures of the people and places around here so you all can eat your hearts out at how incredibly l33t I have it over here. So, in the words of one of the coolest guys to ever grace the internet, "Giddy up."

  August 23, 2002

Pile Of Monkey Spunk - L33T

The roomies and I were thinking of something to do last night when I, like a complete and utter idiot, pop off with "Let's go see Triple X." Everyone else was into it, so we went. BIG, and I repeat, BIG mistake. That movie totally sucked the worst nut in history. I was tapping my foot for over half of it, praying for the bleeding to stop. It didn't until the credits started rolling and I was able to get up and drag my pissed-off ass out of there. Oh well, at least I got the student discount for that piece of shit. Even so, it wasn't worth paying five bucks to be tortured for over two hours... Remind me to castrate my one suitemate that thought the movie rocked.

  August 22, 2002

Don't Close Your Eyes - L33T

Alright, guess who's all moved into college? That's right, genius, I am. I met my roommate briefly yesterday. He basically dropped his shit off and went to stay the night at his grandma's.. Pussy. In any case it was nice to have my own room for the night. First I checked out a Frat. BBQ (Pi Kappa Phi, in case any of you losers care). After a few hours of that mindless crap, I went back to the dorm and unpacked everything from my trip to Target. Afterwards I played a little Halo and basically procrastinated putting the rest of my clothes in the drawers. I watched Jay Leno with my suitemates (I'll talk about them in a later post) and got to bed around 1:00 AM. I was pretty toasted from dragging all of my junk up to the room. I must say, these rooms are quite nice, not the piece of complete ass that my previous dorm room was. Anyhow, it's all good out here in CA, and I can start posting now... Yeah, like you care.

  August 14, 2002

Cold turkey - your daily dose of mindless drivel - L33T

Hey kids... I'm going to start the craziest weekend of my life today, before it even starts. I'm going to commence with the insanely BIG job of packing all of my crap to take to college with me. Now, the smartasses out there are going to say "If it's crap, why are you taking it?" Look, asshat, don't get smart with me. I'm gonna make a lot of friends in L.A. And probably know a few gang members. Don't make me tell them to come give you a re-enactment of the shower scene in American History X. 'Cause they'll save you from the trouble of having to drop the soap, if you catch my drift... Anyway, I won't be around much these next few days. Regular updates should commence again on or around the 22nd. Yes, I'm quite aware that's almost a whole week without the truly hardcore leadership of me, L33t, to guide you. So, let me give you a piece of advice to keep you sane. This piece of advice goes for anytime you're feeling especially pissy: Deal with it.

  August 13, 2002

Wussies - L33T

Holy shit. I'm so incredibly sorry for those New Yorkers. What a heat wave! They have a high of 97 degrees today! I'm so sympathetic... No, wait. I forgot that I live in hotter-than-hell Louisiana, and 97 degrees is the temperature of my redneck friend's refrigerator. Those pussy New Yorkers can come crying to me after they've spent an afternoon mowing two acres with a push mower in 101, hotter-than-two-jackrabbits-going-at-it-in-a-wool-sock, degree weather with 100% humidity. Man, and I thought New Yorkers were supposed to be such badasses. I'm so disillusioned.

  August 13, 2002

Note to self: Move to Omaha, Nebraska - L33T

Why can't ALL banks do promotions like this? I would open a bank account with $500 and withdraw it in incriments of $50 just to go right back and deposit it. It's the ultimate scam. The best part: The banks are helping!

  August 13, 2002

You say Usama, I say Osama.. Let's just kill the whole thing off - L33T

You've gotta love this.. Here are a few samples of what the link leads to:

You've gotta love the United States, man. We get hit by a few goat-lovin' asshats and before our country even responds, we've created an army of t-shirts. Oh well, I suppose our boys in the field need SOMETHING to wear. It all comes down to that old saying: War is good for business. Hells yeah.

  August 12, 2002

Got Doodie? - L33T

I used to catch this site every day a couple years ago, but kind of fell out of the habit. I was typing in a URL today and thought "Damn, that was a great site." WARNING: THE LINK IS NOT (NOTICE "NOT") FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. You've been warned, but it's still some funny-ass stuff.

  August 12, 2002

You know you like it - L33T

Ok, this particular piece comes straight from a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless). Enjoy.

small point about your website.....this rantette that you have....not only do I find it's message poor at best and very poorly supported....I find the grammar very bad....which wouldn't bother me if you didn't claim to be such an english god. To make a good argument you should have some examples and prove why you think this....oh yeah, and that wasn't really a rant....rant implies complaint....you were just giving advice.....

Please note that this message is missing "examples" and proof of my idiocy that are apprently so important. I also enjoy the grammar and punctuation of this one. It gives it a certain flair of hypocrisy, does it not? Oh, and one more thing: Please capitalize the "g" in "god" when referring to my English skillz. It would make me feel better. If you're here looking for perfect grammar, spelling, etc., then you've come to COMPLETELY THE WRONG PLACE. I don't sit and ponder the technical aspects of what I write on this piss-poor excuse for a website. And you shouldn't either. Just enjoy it for what it is.. I mean, YOU'RE the one who clicked the link to go here, not me. Deal.

  August 12, 2002

I always knew I liked Saudi Arabia - L33T

They may be in the middle of the f***in' desert, but those Saudi kids really have some great policies. Sucks to be a criminal in Saudi Arabia, huh? I think we should start publicly beheading traffic violators. I hate bad drivers. Hehe...

  August 12, 2002

Why? Why do I even read the news in the morning? - L33T

My friends and I have talked before about the absolute worst ways to die. While they said drowning, I claimed it would be being eaten by an animal or group of animals. I mean, think about it. Let's say you get attacked by a pride of lions. They aren't going to wait for you to die before tearing into you. So, basically, until you lose consciousness due to blood loss or maybe your head getting torn off, you get to watch your legs and arms get shredded and chomped on by lions with an extreme case of the munchies. Basically, you've turned into a package of beef jerky. Doesn't that sound awful? So, when someone goes and does something like this, it completely blows my mind. I mean, I'm against suicide anyway (there's always a way out), but if I were going to do it, I think I'd pick something just a tad less painful and gruesome. Maybe something like jumping into a tank of pirahna.. They can strip your flesh in seconds. ;) Have a nice day!

  August 12, 2002

This won't hurt.. Unless you think pain hurts - L33T

Took my brother to the dentist today to get a few teeth pulled in preparation for his braces. I hate how dentists lie to you. They put the supposed-numbing gel on his gums where they're going to insert the needle with the real pain-killer. They keep telling him it won't hurt. Of course, when they stick the needle in him he feels every bit of it and yelps in pain. Then they're like, "Damn, he can still feel it, we need to put another needle in him." It was at that point that I felt compelled to mention that gel applied to the OUTSIDE of the gums really won't affect the nerves on the INSIDE of the gums. Hence, his pain. However, when I mentioned this seemingly logical fact, the dentist looked at me like I'd shot his dog or something. I think I called him out on the biggest dental scam of all time. Remind me to ask for a complete knock-out the next time I have any dental work done. Those sick twisted bastards...

  August 11, 2002

Pure randomness - L33T

After weeks of tireless training, Bob finally wins the Color Guard's One-Handed-Piss-On-Your-Friend Contest

  August 10, 2002

You can't have your cake and eat it too.. Or maybe you can - L33T

Underage girl gets abortion using fake ID. Underage girl's parents find out. Underage girl blames clinic for not recognizing fake ID. Clinic gets sued by underage girl. What a ton of crap. I'm a hybrid pro-choice-pro-lifer (long story) and this story sickens the living crap outta me. This chick is taking manipulating the system to a new level. *Sigh* Women...

  August 10, 2002

For lack of creative spark - L33T

Louisiana was the first place I've visited where people actually think hunting squirrels is a sport. I've never understood how a pack of dogs and a shotgun make things a fair fight for the squirrel. But, apprently through some sick and twisted logic, the locals around here think that it's actually a fight that's our of their favor... go figure. Anyway, Itasca, Illinois sure looks like it could've used their help. Hehe... OH MY GOD, IT'S ON ME!!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!

  August 9, 2002

Tatu - L33T

Now, I'm not normally a girl-on-girl kinda guy. I don't know, it just as the same effect on me as thinking about two gay guys going at it does. Pure and unadulterated sickness. However, when two lesbians get together and make a CD, apparently they can cook up some pretty off-the-wall shit. This little *ahem* duo called Tatu is freakin' hardcore. They only have a couple English songs that I can find on Kazaa, but you should definitely check them out. The couple songs I'm down with are "All The Things She Said" and "They're Not Gonna Get Us." Good riffs and smooth vocals make at least these two singles smoke.

  August 9, 2002

Spiritual Moment - L33T

Me in a nutshell.. Hehe..

Yeah, check it out.

  August 9, 2002

Cunning Linguist - L33T

Even more reason NOT to move to Canada... Ever. What were they thinking?!

  August 8, 2002

Signs of an intense experience - L33T

Went to catch Signs tonight... Excellent. See, my problem with people bashing this film lies in the following statement: Quit expecting another Sixth Sense. Yes, Sixth Sense was an incredible movie which changed the way people look at film. However, to expect every film by M. Night to have the same ending shock factor is not only moronic, but it will leave you completely unsatisfied with the rest of his films. Now I didn't like Unbreakable. But that was because it was just too out there, and I never really got in touch with the characters. This film, when viewed as NOT-SIXTH-SENSE-esque has so much to offer. The acting is above and beyond any I expected. Of course, it WAS Mel Gibson and Phoenix, so I should have expected strong performances. I don't want to go into too much detail and ruin it. But it's scary as shit. I jumped a few times, and the women in the audience definitely let loose a few screams here and there. So, for me, this movie definitely deserves a second (and maybe a third) look. Go, go now. No? Fine, here you go. Now go.

  August 8, 2002

Sickening lunacy - L33T

Alright, I'm too wasted (no, not alcohol, lack of sleep. i don't do the whole drinking thing) to talk about my night last evening, so I'm going to awe you with this disgusting situation. I've said it before and I'll say it again: It all stops at the children. As soon as you harm a child, I don't care who the hell you are, you should get a life sentence or the death penalty. You NEVER harm those much weaker than yourself who have no chance to defend against you. And to top it all of, this sick, twisted woman threatened to beat her child and then sent him out with money to buy her drugs. And all she's facing are misdemeanor charges. I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it.

  August 7, 2002

Get my groove on - L33T

Hey kids, I'm goin' out tonight to listen to a band or two and basically get my move on.. Sad times, sad times. Nah, we'll see how it turns out. I'm sure to have som fantastic stories for ya after tonight. Here's something to tide you over. So stay tuned...

  August 7, 2002

All I got was this stupid t-shirt - L33T

I was surfin' this morning and found what is quite possibly the coolest array of t-shirts on the planet. Here are a couple I'm purchasing:

If you can't read that, it says"People for the Eating of Tasty Animals."

Hell's yeah. Aren't those t-shirts the bomb? And no, I'm not getting paid to plug these things.. *Slyly slips a wad of cash into his back pocket* You didn't see that.

  August 6, 2002

Zero tolerance=Stupid - L33T

Those damn Texans are at it again, raising havoc in our nation's airports. No, actually, I admire this guy for speaking his mind.

Eighty-year-old Fred Hubbell, tired and cranky after facing a gantlet of searches at Bradley International Airport, made a sarcastic remark about a rifle that he quickly came to regret.

"I said, `What do you expect to find in there, a rifle?'" he said. When the trooper asked me, `Do you think that was an appropriate remark?' I said, `I do.'"

That's when Hubbell was taken into custody by Trooper Wayne Foster.

Dana Cosgrove, head of the federal security force that moved into Bradley last week, sees it differently. "What he said [regarding the wallet] was, `You better look at it real good; there may be a rifle in there.' And all that the people around him in the waiting room heard was the word `rifle.'"

Wow, those two statements are so incredibly different. What a bunch of crap. This guy and his wife went through two body searches and then, when the guy is getting searched AGAIN, he loses it and pops off. Hell, alot of people would've said something like that. I just don't understand detaining someone because he says that there might be a rifle in his wallet. What kind of morons do we have working airline security? Oh yeah, those camo-dressed guys who'd have to hide behind the nearest rubber tree plant in case of a firefight. Dumbasses.

  August 6, 2002

Asshat of the day - L33T

I'm going through convulsions reading this disgusting piece of crap. Found it on a message board. The issue is the legalization of marijuana. Here's what Captain Dumbfuck has to say about it:

There are several things we could look at doing as far as how drugs are supplied. Legalize them and allow them to be sold in stores that only sell drugs so that those who don't want to won't be exposed to it. Also ban advertising of drugs.

Or still treat drug dealers as criminals. they are hurting other people whereas drug users are not. one way or another no matter what we do, some people will choose to drugs no matter what and they will find ways to get them. I am not saying sanction the drug dealers at all. Although drug dealing should be treated just like any other crime, murder, burglery etc... there should not be any DEA or tax money specially spent on busting drug dealers.

Those are two options that we could look at.

Wakeup! Plenty of people smoke pot in front of there kids now. Whether it is legal or not is not going to change that. If a child grows up to smoke pot just like many grow up to drink because mommy or daddy did, that is just life. Alchohol is a hundred times worse and more addicting for people than marijuana is anyways. Are you suggesting it should be against the law for parents to drink in front of their kids? The large majority of pot users, like alchohol users, use in moderation and are conributing members of society.

My reply starts like this: You are a complete asshat. You realize your two "ideas" are completely contradictory. You say, let's open up legal shops to see marijuana. And then you say we should start busting drug dealers. Umm... you're stupid. Yes, drug users hurt people. Just like the guy who goes out to the bar with his buddies. You think a majority of pot smokers do it alone? No. Marijuana is a social drug. Not some sit-in-your-room-and-watch-the-pretty-colors drug. No, it isn't right for parents to drink in front of their children. Just because people do it doesn't make it RIGHT.. In the words of Calvin's dad (of Calvin and Hobbes origin), "I do what's right, not what's popular." I have a sneaking suspicion that my friend, Captain Asshat, is smoking weed. He'd have to be to want it legalized so badly that he would sacrifice children at the expense of his own habit. What a bunch of selfish bullshit. Perhaps we should get him one of these..

  August 5, 2002

Get a grip - L33T

I swear, if I get one more gripe about the way my site's just a bunch of conservative crap and how I'm just a "wordy jerk" with no real point other than to tear people and situations down.. I'm going to have to start knockin' some skulls together. I mean, you're absolutely right, this site IS filled with conservative garbage. And yes, believe it or not, I AM a wordy jerk with no point other than to tear people and situations down. I mean, I KNOW ALL OF THAT. So, if you aren't going to e-mail or message me with something more thought-provoking and original than that, please refrain or I'll be forced to sic my batallion of PMS'd Amazon Women on you... Three words to avoid such a horrendous fate: DON'T BE STUPID.

  August 4, 2002

Sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads - L33T

I went and caught the new Austin Powers movie this evening and... Well, I was completely overwhelmed. The first thirty minutes were A-W-F-U-L. I enjoyed the opening five (I won't ruin it with details), but after that, the movie just kind of went down the tubes. Then, after thirty torturous minutes, AP3 decided to get funny again. I laughed so hard at some points that I almost threw up. That's how insanely good some of it was. But overall it was a dialed-down Austin Powers (I think he says "Yeah, baby" about twice) so I wouldn't shell out $7.50 to see it again. This one's a rental, kids.

  August 4, 2002

Rush - L33T

Yesterday, I got some more fraternity information in the mail. One of the college students I met at orientation had really pushed me to Frat. Rush and I just wasn't sure if it was my thing or not. But yesterday I bit the bullet and signed up online for the 2002 Rush. That should make for some extremely interesting posts later on, huh? If anyone has any experience with fraternities and want to give me their take on it, feel free to instant message me. Any information would be incredible helpful.

  August 3, 2002

Call me crazy - L33T

This is already the third update I've made today.. Kinda makes me wonder why I don't update as much on other weekends. Anyway, this is just a post to let everyone know how incredibly FINE Tina Fey is. For any of you living under a rock (or in an Afghan cave), she's an SNL cast member. I was flipping channels the other night and passed Jay Leno. He had this superfly-looking woman on at the moment, so, of course, being a red-blooded American male, I tuned in. I listen to their pointless banter for awhile before he announces "Tina Fey everyone," and they go to a commercial. "Tina Fey?" I thought to myself. So, today I remembered to look her up on the net. Now comes my big question: Why the hell when I search Google for "Tina Fey," do I come up with multiple links for Jimmy Fallon and only ONE Tina Fey related link? It took me about twenty minutes of random searches to finally find the picture I'm posting below. But holy crap it's worth it. She so hot in that whispy, would-still-look-great-the-morning-after kind of way, you know?

  August 3, 2002

Well she can lop over into the aisle for all I care - L33T

Ahhh... Saturdays are just pure bliss in way of news. Check this shiznat out. I'm in complete agreement with this guy. I mean, the least airlines could do is give all the smaller people aisle seats. I mean, who likes to feel cramped? Besides, if all *ahem* larger people knew they were only getting middle and window seats, they'd shell out the extra dough for both. I hate flying anyway, but being stuck between a window and Shamu for two full hours must really suck.

  August 3, 2002

Will somebody get this kid a happy meal!? - L33T

WTF... I went out to get coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit this morning. Well, the coffee went fine, I got my 20 oz. cafe mocha (which I'm sipping right now) and trucked it on down to McD's for the biscuit on the way home. It was about 10:35 AM when I arrived at the drive thru window.

Drive-Thru Whore: Welcome to McDonalds, I'm a complete and utter idiot, yet I will attempt to take your order anyway.

Me: Can I just get a Bacon Egg And Cheese Biscuit?

Drive-Thru Whore: Of course not. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and since I'm a PMS'ing biotch, I'm going to give you needless hassle.

Me: You've got to be kidding. *checks watch* Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's only 10:35, right?

Drive-Thru Whore: Yes, that's correct, but didn't you hear the part about me giving you needless hassle?

Me: Yeah, well just forget it.

So, here I sit, with a cafe mocha and no McD's to satiate my immense desire for an artery-clogging breakfast. Assholes...

  August 1, 2002

Angry Mob - 157, Sitter - 0 - L33T

Haha.. Funny stuff, I tell you. A babysitter in Brazil or thereabouts was caught on tape abusing children by their father. He gives the tape to a local tv station, the entire area gets a glimpse of the ill-fated sitter, and they all promptly go out and beat the living crap outta her. Here's the link to the news report (It's a video link).

  August 1, 2002

Continental lunch - L33T

For those of you who do not know what a bar-made pizza consists of, let me inform you. A bar-made pizza has the following toppings: Pepperoni, Pineapple (spelling?), Canadian Bacon, and Beef. Yum. Anyway, I ordered a bar-made today and while I was eating it, I realized something. I had pretty much EVERY major food group represented in one slice. Meat, bread, milk (cheese), soy beans, fruit, and, if you talked to the right person, vegetable (tomato). Also, I had more than one animal represented. Both pig and cow. Oh, and not only that, but I had pig from TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES! I had U.S. pig in my pepperoni and a Canadian pig in my bacon. I'm a regular diplomat. So, hooray for bar-made pizza, bringing the U.S. and Canada together.


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