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Archive for
August, 2002
Undisputed my ass -
L33T
I really need
to stop letting my roomies pick what movies we go see. Last night we were on
our way to the row, looking for a party, when they say, "Hey, let's go see
Undisputed." Now, for those of you unfamiliar with this gem of artistic
monkey-banana-riddled-spunk, let me explain. The movie's basic premise is that
a world heavy weight boxing champion is incarcerated and is made to fight the
resident-boxing guy. Basically it's a Rocky flick set in prison.
*Stupid-as-hell alert* Now, I heard this alarm go off in my head saying,
"That's five dollars and twenty-five cents you're going to seriously regret
spending." But I went along with the group and sat in a piss-smelling theater,
watching a shit-box movie, with half the engineering students behind me,
laughing at EVERY damn line. I mean, I can maybe recall there being ONE joke in
that movie. Damn engineers. And the worst part is, once we got out of that and
went to the row.. there was no party. We'd missed the boat to whatever parties
were going on. *sharpens castration knife*
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Pay No
Mind To The Distant Thunder -
L33T
Canada, you're
losing even
more cool points... The only thing you've got left going for you is
Molson's. And believe me, we can do without Molson's. Hell, when we take you
over, it'll be Molson's American beer. Seriously, Canadians try and
participate in the American leagues anyway. Shouldn't there be some sort of
land-ownership exchange going on between the U.S. and Canada for the right to
play in our hardcore pro leagues? I think so. So take your mounties and suck on
them while you still can, asshats. Someday America will see the light and come
to get ya.
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Are
you bored? - L33T
Here's something to brighten your
day:
One question: What the hell?
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Giddy
up - L33T
Today was the first day of classes. I
have one more to go (Latin) and I already know that I'm gonna seriously dig
this college-thing. The couple profs. I know so far are two of the most
hardcore, least asshat-ish teachers I've ever had. Good times. If I ever get
around to it, I'll take some pictures of the people and places around here so
you all can eat your hearts out at how incredibly l33t I have it over here. So,
in the words of one of the coolest guys to ever grace the internet, "Giddy
up."
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Pile
Of Monkey Spunk -
L33T
The roomies
and I were thinking of something to do last night when I, like a complete and
utter idiot, pop off with "Let's go see Triple X." Everyone else was into it,
so we went. BIG, and I repeat, BIG mistake. That movie totally sucked the worst
nut in history. I was tapping my foot for over half of it, praying for the
bleeding to stop. It didn't until the credits started rolling and I was able to
get up and drag my pissed-off ass out of there. Oh well, at least I got the
student discount for that piece of shit. Even so, it wasn't worth paying five
bucks to be tortured for over two hours... Remind me to castrate my one
suitemate that thought the movie rocked.
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Don't
Close Your Eyes -
L33T
Alright, guess
who's all moved into college? That's right, genius, I am. I met my roommate
briefly yesterday. He basically dropped his shit off and went to stay the night
at his grandma's.. Pussy. In any case it was nice to have my own room for the
night. First I checked out a Frat. BBQ (Pi Kappa Phi, in case any of you losers
care). After a few hours of that mindless crap, I went back to the dorm and
unpacked everything from my trip to Target. Afterwards I played a little Halo
and basically procrastinated putting the rest of my clothes in the drawers. I
watched Jay Leno with my suitemates (I'll talk about them in a later post) and
got to bed around 1:00 AM. I was pretty toasted from dragging all of my junk up
to the room. I must say, these rooms are quite nice, not the piece of complete
ass that my previous dorm room was. Anyhow, it's all good out here in CA, and I
can start posting now... Yeah, like you care.
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Cold
turkey - your daily dose of mindless drivel - L33T
Hey kids... I'm going to start the craziest weekend of my life today,
before it even starts. I'm going to commence with the insanely BIG job of
packing all of my crap to take to college with me. Now, the smartasses out
there are going to say "If it's crap, why are you taking it?" Look, asshat,
don't get smart with me. I'm gonna make a lot of friends in L.A. And probably
know a few gang members. Don't make me tell them to come give you a
re-enactment of the shower scene in American History X. 'Cause they'll save you
from the trouble of having to drop the soap, if you catch my drift... Anyway, I
won't be around much these next few days. Regular updates should commence again
on or around the 22nd. Yes, I'm quite aware that's almost a whole week without
the truly hardcore leadership of me, L33t, to guide you. So, let me give you a
piece of advice to keep you sane. This piece of advice goes for anytime you're
feeling especially pissy:
Deal with
it.
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Wussies -
L33T
Holy shit. I'm
so incredibly sorry for those New Yorkers.
What a heat wave! They have a high of 97 degrees today! I'm so
sympathetic... No, wait. I forgot that I live in hotter-than-hell Louisiana,
and 97 degrees is the temperature of my redneck friend's refrigerator. Those
pussy New Yorkers can come crying to me after they've spent an afternoon mowing
two acres with a push mower in 101,
hotter-than-two-jackrabbits-going-at-it-in-a-wool-sock, degree weather with
100% humidity. Man, and I thought New Yorkers were supposed to be such
badasses. I'm so disillusioned.
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Note
to self: Move to Omaha, Nebraska -
L33T
Why can't ALL
banks do promotions like this? I would open a bank account with $500
and withdraw it in incriments of $50 just to go right back and deposit it. It's
the ultimate scam. The best part: The banks are helping!
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You
say Usama, I say Osama.. Let's just kill the whole thing off - L33T
You've gotta love this.. Here are a few samples of what the link
leads to:
 
You've gotta love the United States, man. We get hit by a few
goat-lovin' asshats and before our country even responds, we've created an army
of t-shirts. Oh well, I suppose our boys in the field need SOMETHING to wear.
It all comes down to that old saying: War is good for business. Hells
yeah.
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Got
Doodie? - L33T
I
used to catch this site every
day a couple years ago, but kind of fell out of the habit. I was typing in a
URL today and thought "Damn, that was a great site." WARNING: THE LINK IS NOT
(NOTICE "NOT") FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. You've been warned, but it's still some
funny-ass stuff.
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You
know you like it -
L33T
Ok, this
particular piece comes straight from a friend of mine (who shall remain
nameless). Enjoy.
small point about your website.....this rantette
that you have....not only do I find it's message poor at best and very poorly
supported....I find the grammar very bad....which wouldn't bother me if you
didn't claim to be such an english god. To make a good argument you should have
some examples and prove why you think this....oh yeah, and that wasn't really a
rant....rant implies complaint....you were just giving
advice.....
Please note that this message is missing "examples" and
proof of my idiocy that are apprently so important. I also enjoy the grammar
and punctuation of this one. It gives it a certain flair of hypocrisy, does it
not? Oh, and one more thing: Please capitalize the "g" in "god" when referring
to my English skillz. It would make me feel better. If you're here looking for
perfect grammar, spelling, etc., then you've come to COMPLETELY THE WRONG
PLACE. I don't sit and ponder the technical aspects of what I write on this
piss-poor excuse for a website. And you shouldn't either. Just enjoy it for
what it is.. I mean, YOU'RE the one who clicked the link to go here, not me.
Deal.
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I
always knew I liked Saudi Arabia -
L33T
They may be in
the middle of the f***in' desert, but those Saudi kids
really have some great policies. Sucks to be a criminal in
Saudi Arabia, huh? I think we should start publicly beheading traffic
violators. I hate bad drivers. Hehe...
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Why?
Why do I even read the news in the morning? - L33T
My
friends and I have talked before about the absolute worst ways to die. While
they said drowning, I claimed it would be being eaten by an animal or group of
animals. I mean, think about it. Let's say you get attacked by a pride of
lions. They aren't going to wait for you to die before tearing into you. So,
basically, until you lose consciousness due to blood loss or maybe your head
getting torn off, you get to watch your legs and arms get shredded and chomped
on by lions with an extreme case of the munchies. Basically, you've turned into
a package of beef jerky. Doesn't that sound awful? So, when someone goes and
does something like this, it completely blows my mind. I mean,
I'm against suicide anyway (there's always a way out), but if I were going to
do it, I think I'd pick something just a tad less painful and gruesome. Maybe
something like jumping into a tank of pirahna.. They can strip your flesh in
seconds. ;) Have a nice day!
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This
won't hurt.. Unless you think pain hurts - L33T
Took my brother to the dentist today to get a few teeth pulled in
preparation for his braces. I hate how dentists lie to you. They put the
supposed-numbing gel on his gums where they're going to insert the needle with
the real pain-killer. They keep telling him it won't hurt. Of course, when they
stick the needle in him he feels every bit of it and yelps in pain. Then
they're like, "Damn, he can still feel it, we need to put another needle in
him." It was at that point that I felt compelled to mention that gel applied to
the OUTSIDE of the gums really won't affect the nerves on the INSIDE of the
gums. Hence, his pain. However, when I mentioned this seemingly logical fact,
the dentist looked at me like I'd shot his dog or something. I think I called
him out on the biggest dental scam of all time. Remind me to ask for a complete
knock-out the next time I have any dental work done. Those sick twisted
bastards...
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Pure
randomness - L33T
After weeks of tireless training, Bob finally wins
the Color Guard's One-Handed-Piss-On-Your-Friend Contest |
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You
can't have your cake and eat it too.. Or maybe you can - L33T
Underage girl gets abortion using fake ID. Underage girl's parents
find out. Underage girl blames clinic for not recognizing fake ID.
Clinic gets sued by underage girl. What a ton of crap. I'm a
hybrid pro-choice-pro-lifer (long story) and this story sickens the living crap
outta me. This chick is taking manipulating the system to a new level. *Sigh*
Women...
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For
lack of creative spark -
L33T
Louisiana was
the first place I've visited where people actually think hunting squirrels is a
sport. I've never understood how a pack of dogs and a shotgun make things a
fair fight for the squirrel. But, apprently through some sick and twisted
logic, the locals around here think that it's actually a fight that's our of
their favor... go figure. Anyway, Itasca, Illinois sure
looks like it could've used their help. Hehe... OH MY GOD,
IT'S ON ME!!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!
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Tatu
- L33T
Now, I'm not normally a girl-on-girl
kinda guy. I don't know, it just as the same effect on me as thinking about two
gay guys going at it does. Pure and unadulterated sickness. However, when two
lesbians get together and make a CD, apparently they can cook up some pretty
off-the-wall shit. This little *ahem* duo called Tatu is freakin' hardcore.
They only have a couple English songs that I can find on Kazaa, but you should
definitely check them out. The couple songs I'm down with are "All The Things
She Said" and "They're Not Gonna Get Us." Good riffs and smooth vocals make at
least these two singles smoke.
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Spiritual Moment -
L33T
Me in a
nutshell.. Hehe..
Yeah, check it
out.
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Signs
of an intense experience -
L33T
Went to catch
Signs tonight... Excellent. See, my problem with people bashing this film lies
in the following statement: Quit expecting another Sixth Sense. Yes, Sixth
Sense was an incredible movie which changed the way people look at film.
However, to expect every film by M. Night to have the same ending shock factor
is not only moronic, but it will leave you completely unsatisfied with the rest
of his films. Now I didn't like Unbreakable. But that was because it was just
too out there, and I never really got in touch with the characters. This film,
when viewed as NOT-SIXTH-SENSE-esque has so much to offer. The acting is above
and beyond any I expected. Of course, it WAS Mel Gibson and Phoenix, so I
should have expected strong performances. I don't want to go into too much
detail and ruin it. But it's scary as shit. I jumped a few times, and the women
in the audience definitely let loose a few screams here and there. So, for me,
this movie definitely deserves a second (and maybe a third) look. Go, go now.
No? Fine,
here you go. Now go.
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Sickening lunacy -
L33T
Alright, I'm
too wasted (no, not alcohol, lack of sleep. i don't do the whole drinking
thing) to talk about my night last evening, so I'm going to awe you with this
disgusting situation. I've said it before and I'll say it
again: It all stops at the children. As soon as you harm a child, I don't care
who the hell you are, you should get a life sentence or the death penalty. You
NEVER harm those much weaker than yourself who have no chance to defend against
you. And to top it all of, this sick, twisted woman threatened to beat her
child and then sent him out with money to buy her drugs. And all she's facing
are misdemeanor charges. I'm sick to my stomach thinking about
it.
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Get my
groove on - L33T
Hey kids, I'm goin' out tonight to
listen to a band or two and basically get my move on.. Sad times, sad times.
Nah, we'll see how it turns out. I'm sure to have som fantastic stories for ya
after tonight. Here's
something to tide you over. So stay tuned...
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All I
got was this stupid t-shirt -
L33T
I was surfin'
this morning and found what is quite possibly
the coolest array of
t-shirts on the planet. Here are a couple I'm purchasing:
If you can't
read that, it says"People for the Eating of Tasty Animals."
Hell's yeah.
Aren't those t-shirts the bomb? And no, I'm not getting paid to plug these
things.. *Slyly slips a wad of cash into his back pocket* You didn't see
that.
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Zero
tolerance=Stupid -
L33T
Those
damn Texans are at it again, raising havoc in our nation's
airports. No, actually, I admire this guy for speaking his
mind.
Eighty-year-old Fred Hubbell, tired and cranky after facing a
gantlet of searches at Bradley International Airport, made a sarcastic remark
about a rifle that he quickly came to regret.
"I said, `What do you
expect to find in there, a rifle?'" he said. When the trooper asked me, `Do you
think that was an appropriate remark?' I said, `I do.'"
That's when
Hubbell was taken into custody by Trooper Wayne Foster.
Dana Cosgrove,
head of the federal security force that moved into Bradley last week, sees it
differently. "What he said [regarding the wallet] was, `You better look at it
real good; there may be a rifle in there.' And all that the people around him
in the waiting room heard was the word `rifle.'"
Wow, those two
statements are so incredibly different. What a bunch of crap. This guy and his
wife went through two body searches and then, when the guy is getting searched
AGAIN, he loses it and pops off. Hell, alot of people would've said something
like that. I just don't understand detaining someone because he says that there
might be a rifle in his wallet. What kind of morons do we have working airline
security? Oh yeah, those camo-dressed guys who'd have to hide behind the
nearest rubber tree plant in case of a firefight. Dumbasses.
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Asshat
of the day - L33T
I'm going through convulsions reading
this disgusting piece of crap. Found it on a message board. The issue is the
legalization of marijuana. Here's what Captain Dumbfuck has to say about
it:
There are several things we could look at doing as far as how
drugs are supplied. Legalize them and allow them to be sold in stores that only
sell drugs so that those who don't want to won't be exposed to it. Also ban
advertising of drugs.
Or still treat drug dealers as criminals. they are
hurting other people whereas drug users are not. one way or another no matter
what we do, some people will choose to drugs no matter what and they will find
ways to get them. I am not saying sanction the drug dealers at all. Although
drug dealing should be treated just like any other crime, murder, burglery
etc... there should not be any DEA or tax money specially spent on busting drug
dealers.
Those are two options that we could look at.
Wakeup!
Plenty of people smoke pot in front of there kids now. Whether it is legal or
not is not going to change that. If a child grows up to smoke pot just like
many grow up to drink because mommy or daddy did, that is just life. Alchohol
is a hundred times worse and more addicting for people than marijuana is
anyways. Are you suggesting it should be against the law for parents to drink
in front of their kids? The large majority of pot users, like alchohol users,
use in moderation and are conributing members of society.
My reply
starts like this: You are a complete asshat. You realize your two "ideas" are
completely contradictory. You say, let's open up legal shops to see marijuana.
And then you say we should start busting drug dealers. Umm... you're stupid.
Yes, drug users hurt people. Just like the guy who goes out to the bar with his
buddies. You think a majority of pot smokers do it alone? No. Marijuana is a
social drug. Not some sit-in-your-room-and-watch-the-pretty-colors drug. No, it
isn't right for parents to drink in front of their children. Just because
people do it doesn't make it RIGHT.. In the words of Calvin's dad (of Calvin
and Hobbes origin), "I do what's right, not what's popular." I have a sneaking
suspicion that my friend, Captain Asshat, is smoking weed. He'd have to be to
want it legalized so badly that he would sacrifice children at the expense of
his own habit. What a bunch of selfish bullshit. Perhaps we should get him
one of these..
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Get a
grip - L33T
I swear, if I get one more gripe about
the way my site's just a bunch of conservative crap and how I'm just a "wordy
jerk" with no real point other than to tear people and situations down.. I'm
going to have to start knockin' some skulls together. I mean, you're absolutely
right, this site IS filled with conservative garbage. And yes, believe it or
not, I AM a wordy jerk with no point other than to tear people and situations
down. I mean, I KNOW ALL OF THAT. So, if you aren't going to e-mail or message
me with something more thought-provoking and original than that, please refrain
or I'll be forced to sic my batallion of PMS'd Amazon Women on you... Three
words to avoid such a horrendous fate:
DON'T BE STUPID.
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Sharks
with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads - L33T
I
went and caught the new Austin Powers movie this evening and... Well, I was
completely overwhelmed. The first thirty minutes were A-W-F-U-L. I enjoyed the
opening five (I won't ruin it with details), but after that, the movie just
kind of went down the tubes. Then, after thirty torturous minutes, AP3 decided
to get funny again. I laughed so hard at some points that I almost threw up.
That's how insanely good some of it was. But overall it was a dialed-down
Austin Powers (I think he says "Yeah, baby" about twice) so I wouldn't shell
out $7.50 to see it again. This one's a rental, kids.
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Rush
- L33T
Yesterday, I got some more fraternity
information in the mail. One of the college students I met at orientation had
really pushed me to Frat. Rush and I just wasn't sure if it was my thing or
not. But yesterday I bit the bullet and signed up online for the 2002 Rush.
That should make for some extremely interesting posts later on, huh? If anyone
has any experience with fraternities and want to give me their take on it, feel
free to instant
message me. Any information would be incredible helpful.
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Call
me crazy - L33T
This is already the third update I've
made today.. Kinda makes me wonder why I don't update as much on other
weekends. Anyway, this is just a post to let everyone know how incredibly FINE
Tina Fey is. For any of you living under a rock (or in an Afghan cave), she's
an SNL cast member. I was flipping channels the other night and passed Jay
Leno. He had this superfly-looking woman on at the moment, so, of course, being
a red-blooded American male, I tuned in. I listen to their pointless banter for
awhile before he announces "Tina Fey everyone," and they go to a commercial.
"Tina Fey?" I thought to myself. So, today I remembered to look her up on the
net. Now comes my big question: Why the hell when I search Google for "Tina
Fey," do I come up with multiple links for Jimmy Fallon and only ONE Tina Fey
related link? It took me about twenty minutes of random searches to finally
find the picture I'm posting below. But holy crap it's worth it. She so hot in
that whispy, would-still-look-great-the-morning-after kind of way, you
know?
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Well
she can lop over into the aisle for all I care - L33T
Ahhh... Saturdays are just pure bliss in way of news. Check
this shiznat out. I'm in complete agreement with this guy. I
mean, the least airlines could do is give all the smaller people aisle seats. I
mean, who likes to feel cramped? Besides, if all *ahem* larger people knew they
were only getting middle and window seats, they'd shell out the extra dough for
both. I hate flying anyway, but being stuck between
a window and Shamu for two full hours must really suck.
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Will
somebody get this kid a happy meal!? -
L33T
WTF... I went
out to get coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit this morning. Well, the
coffee went fine, I got my 20 oz. cafe mocha (which I'm sipping right now) and
trucked it on down to McD's for the biscuit on the way home. It was about 10:35
AM when I arrived at the drive thru window.
Drive-Thru Whore: Welcome
to McDonalds, I'm a complete and utter idiot, yet I will attempt to take your
order anyway.
Me: Can I just get a Bacon Egg And Cheese
Biscuit?
Drive-Thru Whore: Of course not. We stop serving breakfast at
10:30 and since I'm a PMS'ing biotch, I'm going to give you needless
hassle.
Me: You've got to be kidding. *checks watch* Correct me if I'm
wrong, but it's only 10:35, right?
Drive-Thru Whore: Yes, that's
correct, but didn't you hear the part about me giving you needless
hassle?
Me: Yeah, well just forget it.
So, here I sit, with a
cafe mocha and no McD's to satiate my immense desire for an artery-clogging
breakfast. Assholes...
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Angry
Mob - 157, Sitter - 0 -
L33T
Haha.. Funny
stuff, I tell you. A babysitter in Brazil or thereabouts was caught on tape
abusing children by their father. He gives the tape to a local tv station, the
entire area gets a glimpse of the ill-fated sitter, and they all promptly go
out and beat the living crap outta her.
Here's
the link to the news report (It's a video link).
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Continental lunch -
L33T
For those of
you who do not know what a bar-made pizza consists of, let me inform you. A
bar-made pizza has the following toppings: Pepperoni, Pineapple (spelling?),
Canadian Bacon, and Beef. Yum. Anyway, I ordered a bar-made today and while I
was eating it, I realized something. I had pretty much EVERY major food group
represented in one slice. Meat, bread, milk (cheese), soy beans, fruit, and, if
you talked to the right person, vegetable (tomato). Also, I had more than one
animal represented. Both pig and cow. Oh, and not only that, but I had pig from
TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES! I had U.S. pig in my pepperoni and a Canadian pig in
my bacon. I'm a regular diplomat. So, hooray for bar-made pizza, bringing the
U.S. and Canada together.
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